I want to have the pad that is connected to ground on one component to 'relief connect' on altium but have all other components whos pad is connect to ground to 'direct connect'. Is this possible?
Yes. In the design rules go to Polygon Connect Style and use a query like this:
InComponent(<component with pads in question>) AND InNet('GND')
and set it to relief connect. Put this rule at the top of the priorities, and in the default rule simply have "Direct connect" set.
Relief connect rule (top priority):
Direct connect rule (default, lower priority):
I believe that would work the way you need it to.