After some experimenting and such, I found a 1-DPDT-relay (one single-throw pole and one double-throw pole actually needed) implementation that works much better:

Component values are approximate.

It still has some glitching if you're not careful, and the output capacitor needs to be sized depending on the number of outputs its feeding, but it works and is much simpler.

Oh, and it actually works (read: I breadboarded it.)

It does have the downside that the relay can't be diode-snubbed.

After some experimenting and such, I found a 1-DPDT-relay (one single-throw pole and one double-throw pole actually needed) implementation that works much better:

Component values are approximate, and the output resistor approximates an output relay.

It still has some glitching if you're not careful, and the output capacitor needs to be sized depending on the number of outputs its feeding, but it works and is much simpler.

Oh, and it actually works (read: I breadboarded it.)

It does have the downside that the relay can't be diode-snubbed.